Showing posts with label LIZARD MEN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIZARD MEN. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Dark Was The Night


Dark Was The Night (2015)
Dir. Jack Heller
Written by Tyler Hisel
Starring Kevin Durand, Lukas Haas, Bianca Kajlich





DARK WAS THE NIGHT opens well. I like the font of the title, and I like that little drawing of the scary hand thing. Good hustle, right out of the gate. Unfortunately that is literally the last moment in the entire runtime which features anything commendable on-screen. I kinda hate to really lay into a little indie production, which I’m sure was motivated by genuinely desire to make a good movie. But I gotta call ‘em like I see ‘em, and this is, simply, a movie with nothing, nothing whatsoever, to recommend it.


It’s not for lack of ambition. In fact, you would never guess it from the finished film, but the script, by Tyler Hisel (2013’s lions-eat-white-people found-footage debacle SAFARI) was apparently included on that prestigious Hollywood Blacklist of highly-respected but unproduced screenplays back in 2009. That makes it sound pretty impressive until you remember that the same year, DUE DATE, RED RIDING HOOD, THE WATCH, and THE VATICAN TAPES were also on that list. But fair’s fair, I can see why someone could read this script and imagine a good movie. It’s an ambitious horror script, especially for a monster movie, because it focuses its attention much more on the painful personal lives of its protagonists than it does on monster attacks. In fact the monster doesn’t even show up til the movie’s final minutes; most of the runtime, it’s all about that subtle, implied horror of something unknown, something you can’t see. To wit: the people of winter-bound Maiden Woods, NY* are seeing signs that something is amiss. Animals acting strangely, mysterious tracks appearing around town, claw marks on some old dude’s barn. Meanwhile, sheriff Paul Shields (Kevin Durand, LEGION, COSMOPOLIS) is trying to keep the citizens calm while dealing with his own grief and guilt over the loss of his son and subsequent separation from his wife (Bianca Kajlich, HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION, but don’t hold that against her).


This could all be in service of a tense, unsettling tale of psychological pain with flourishes of horror, but an emphasis on icy, existential dread. Something in the vein of THE BABADOOK, or CURE. It could have been. But it isn’t. The script has that ambition, but its handling of this scenario is as rote as it’s possible to conceive of, and despite its emphasis on drama, the characters are all desperately one-note regurgitations of threadbare cliches. For fuck’s sake, every movie cop has a photo of a dead relative in his wallet that he sadly looks at while feeling guilty. Stretching a hacky genre staple into a feature-length movie is a dangerous enough proposition in itself, and Hisel does nothing whatsoever to expand on the basic premise or tease any meaning from it. It’s just the normal scene of an unshaven movie cop, sitting on his bed staring intensely into the middle distance feeling guilty and hoping for redemption... except instead of one scene it’s 50 minutes of 90 minute movie. Nothing interesting comes of it, he’s just kinda glum and mopey for a long time and eventually there’s a monster.

Who put Dave Matthews in a horror movie?


Even so, I think you could make a decent movie out of this premise with direction strong enough to overcome the thin script. Horror doesn’t require elaborate writing so much as a robust command of cinema, and I think the intention here is to be a bleak, stripped-down mood piece. With a masterful control of atmosphere, the gloomy characters might at least seem appropriate, if not independently interesting. That’s what’s being attempted, I think: Director Jack Heller (the little-seen thriller ENTER NOWHERE, executive producer of BAD MILO!) is aiming for the understated, icy dread of a DON’T LOOK NOW or HOUSE OF THE DEVIL, where the mundane is made ominous through a careful use of cinematography, editing, and music. An ambitious goal, to be sure, but unfortunately the movie just plain does not have the talent to back it up. Heller simply lacks the chops it takes to use the power of cinema to evoke the unease a movie like this needs to take flight. The filmmaking is as pedestrian as movies come, and occasionally outright amateurish. There’s very little actual horror in the script -- it’s totally reliant on the direction to create an eerie atmosphere in which to lay out its gloomy personal drama-- so when the direction stumbles, then, there’s nothing to fall back on. Nothing. It becomes a sad-sack, repetitive low-budget mumblecore misery porn which turns into a cheesy monster movie in the final 5 minutes.


It’s a shame, in a way, because of course you want a horror movie like this to succeed. I’m sure Heller was trying to do a good job here, trying to make something serious and mature, something that unsettled. But there’s a reason most horror films don’t try for that. If you make a tits-and-bloodsplatter gimmick slasher movie and fail to use the full power of cinema to provoke unease deep in the soul, that’s OK, you still got tits, bloodsplatter, and gimmicky slashing. If you make a quiet, intimate film about guilt and fail to use the full power of cinema to provoke unease deep in the soul, you got nothing. And almost immediately, the seams start to show.


See, the times when there were only one set of footprints, those times the monster was carrying you

I was willing to grant it a little leeway at first; Durand’s working pretty hard as the lead, even if he doesn’t have anything especially interesting to work with. Lukas Haas (MARS ATTACKS) has even less to do as his sidekick, another burned-out cop with a tragic backstory which is equally insipid and unimportant, but he’s trying hard too. The cinematography by Ryan Samul is ugly and drab --a shame since he’s been doing such great work with Jim Mickle recently, especially the handsomely lensed COLD IN JULY-- but that’s mostly explained by the debilitating flatness of the color-corrected images and the cheesey editing (one can’t help but wonder if the producers ruined some decent shots in post, as they did to poor Gabriel Kosuth on DYING OF THE LIGHT and god knows how many other movies over the last decade). Mostly it’s not actively bad, it’s just monotonous and derivative. You can deal with that for a while -- you know, low budget movie, can’t expect everything to be money shots. They spend a lot of time teasing that something cool will come along, you think, maybe they’re just building up to something awesome that will make the long wait totally worth it. But as minute after desolate minute ticks by, it becomes increasingly obvious that nothing is going to be able to save a movie this empty.


Eventually, the tipping point comes and you just can’t help but start to feel insulted by just how little effort is being made to keep you entertained. And gradually you start to see what you first took for an attempt at low-key mood building as simple laziness. Was this a legitimate failed effort to make a chilly, tense suspense piece, or just an excuse to grind out low-effort genre content for netflix so they can run up their numbers without paying for a real movie? I can’t answer that question, but if it looks like a sub-SyFy-Channel hack job, plays like a sub-SyFy-Channel hack job, and sucks like a sub-SyFy-Channel hack job…well, maybe it is exactly what it looks like. I can’t guess at the filmmakers’ intentions, but I can give you the standard checklist for crappy low-budget SyFy-channel wannabe bullshit: Ugly, desaturated monochromatic look. Check. B-list actors (at least one of them little-seen since the 90’s) spend the whole movie mumbling through one-note non-characters. Check. Monster is A) American Indian legend B) the result of man’s trespass on nature, or in this case C) both. Check. Check. Check. Monster is hidden in shadows and by shaky cam, but occasionally runs blurrily right in front of the camera’s field of vision accompanied by a loud musical sting. Check. Ridiculously low bodycount and no gore. Check. Monster finally appears in the last 5 minutes, looks like shit, and is brought to life by crappy CG. Check. More producers, executive producers, and co-producers than principal cast. Check. Cop with a tragic past? Climax in a church? That scene where something scary blocks the light underneath the bedroom door? Hunters in the woods get eaten by unseen force? Sudden realization once you get a good look at the thing that there’s no possible way it could have done all the spooky shit it was doing before we could see it? One check after another.


That last one is a personal pet peeve of mine, and I’d like to take a minute to address it here, if I may. Don’t you just hate it when the monster or killer or whatever is deliberately obscured and it’s doing all sorts of crazy shit, circling around hunters invisibly too fast for them to see, grabbing someone from inside a car, sticking its victims in the tops of tree… and then when you actually see it it’s a big lumbering lizard which can’t even manage to kill two dorks in an empty room? I mean, this thing would obviously not even fit in a car, much less have the strategic focus (or even desire) to pull off a maneuver like that. I officially call bullshit on this lazy practice. If you’re gonna show your monster doing impossible things when I can’t see it, you better be able to convince me it could feasibly do those things when the big reveal comes. If you have to make it totally change up it’s MO at the end because doing the same stuff would seem ludicrous once we can actually take a gander, congratulations, you’re the real monster here. (This one is especially egregious because they make a big deal about the mysterious tracks it leaves, which are of a distinct “three-cloven hoof.” Guess, what, when you actually see the foot, it’s not a fucking hoof, it’s just a regular dinosaur foot like you’d expect these big lizard dudes to have. Look, if you guys can’t be bothered to even remember the details of your own stupid monster movie, how can you expect us to take it seriously?)

Given all that, I was absolutely stunned when I saw a handful of good reviews of this thing, including from longtime friend of the site and film criticism’s second greatest troll Fred Topel (sorry Fred, as long as Armond White remains alive you’ll never quite reach the top of your game). All the positive reviews cited the film’s restraint and focus on drama as a selling point, but while I can understand applauding a film’s ambition in this regard, I defy anyone to try and claim the actual substance of the movie succeeds in generating either the tension or the drama it aspires to, or either of those things, at all. The most I can bring myself to concede is that Durand actually gives a pretty good performance, but unfortunately it’s in service of the most ridiculously trite movie cop cliche of all time. Yes, it’s a slightly atypical horror movie (although not that atypical, especially given the renaissance in the last few years of vastly superior microbudget horror-dramas like RESOLUTION and ABSENTIA) but surely just atypical isn’t the same as actually good? I can’t see how any sane person could claim the approach here actually pays off in any meaningful way, especially since the drama we spend so much time pondering is so completely and utterly divorced from the actual horror elements. Things like THE BABADOOK or THE CANAL or IT FOLLOWS (all of which are vastly more eventful than DARK WAS THE NIGHT, despite their reputation as restrained psycho-horror) all expertly weave the psychological aspects into the structure of their internal horror mechanics; DARK WAS THE NIGHT feels like a dull drama which is superficially grafted to a routine monster movie; the two impulses never play off each other thematically.


Anyway, just being clichéd and cheap and lazy doesn’t automatically make it bad -- I’ve enjoyed movies way dumber and more incompetent, and recently. But come on, you gotta give us something. This offers only the clichéd filler parts of a movie, none of the actual genre goods. It’s not just an unimaginative B-movie, it’s an unimaginative B-movie with all the fun parts taken out! The only feature that distinguishes it from a million other instantly forgotten movies exactly like it is its ridiculously dour tone and relentless focus on its standard sad cop routine, which serves to make it unusually uneventful, but not in an especially memorable way. Mostly it’s just bland and generic, and, appropriately, even features a bland and generic off-brand Native American legend. Durand searches for the generic off-brand mythic Indian “Windiga” using the generic off-brand search engine “Searchitnow.com” to go to the famous online encyclopedia “Encypdeia.org.” Pfft! I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one! And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny! The monster looks pretty dumb when we see it, but at least it’s a dumb CG monster. That’s something. There’s dignity in that. Spending 80 minutes looking furtively at trees for what turns out to be a knockoff Spider-Man villain is just unacceptable. And to do it with such a self-serious aversion to even the vaguest hint of fun is downright sadism. To really twist the knife, the agreeably moronic twist ending even offers a hint that these guys were perfectly capable of supplying some dumb entertainment all along, had they deigned to do so. As it stands, though, the title font and the last shot are the solitary glimmers of actual enjoyment in the whole thing, and the end only because it’s so corny and ridiculous. Dark was the night, indeed.


*originally Laytonsville, Maryland, according to the synopsis of the script from 2009, needling one to ponder what else had been changed since then.


Oh I should mention: Nick Damici (STAKE LAND) appears here, hopefully adding to his momentum as a horror staple independent from his work with Jim Mickle. He's just as ill-served as everyone is by this dumb screenplay, but hey, it's not like Lance Henricksen hasn't been in a few duds too. You gotta grind 'em out to become an icon, and I think Damici has what it takes.
CHAINSAWNUKAH 2015 CHECKLIST!

Play it Again, Samhain

  • TAGLINE: Evil's Roots Run Deep. I don't know what that means.
  • LITERARY ADAPTATION: No, although supposedly in part inspired by the curious "Devils Footprints" incident in 1855, with the vaguest suggestion of the Native American "Wendigo"
  • SEQUEL: None
  • REMAKE: None
  • DEADLY IMPORT FROM: USA
  • FOUND-FOOTAGE CLUSTERFUCK: No
  • SLUMMING A-LISTER: None, although Lukas Haas was kinda a big deal once upon a time, wasn't he?
  • BELOVED HORROR ICON: Nick Damici
  • BOOBIES: None
  • MULLETS: None
  • SEXUAL ASSAULT: No
  • DISMEMBERMENT PLAN: I think there's a served arm at the very beginning, in a scene which looks suspiciously tacked on, possibly by producers who watched the final cut and realized that absolutely nothing happens in the movie until the final 10 minutes.
  • HAUNTED HOUSE: No
  • MONSTER: Yes, some sort of lizard man.
  • THE UNDEAD: None
  • POSSESSION: No.
  • SLASHER/GIALLO: No.
  • PSYCHO KILLERS (Non-slasher variety): No
  • EVIL CULT: No.
  • (UNCANNY) VALLEY OF THE DOLLS: None
  • EGYPTO-CRYPTO: No
  • TRANSMOGRIFICATION: None
  • VOYEURISM: Nah
  • OBSCURITY LEVEL: High, but currently on netflix streaming.
  • MORAL OF THE STORY: Your title font should not be the best thing in your horror movie.
  • TITLE ACCURACY: Night was reasonably dark, I guess. But then again, what else would it be? The title probably comes from the Blind Willie Johnson slide-blues standard Dark Was The Night, Cold Was The Ground, but I don't know what that has to do with anything in the movie.
  • ALEX MADE IT THROUGH AWAKE: N/A.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Reptile


The Reptile (1966)
Dir. John Gilling
Written by John Elder (Anthony Hinds)
Starring Noel Willman, Jennifer Daniel, Ray Barrett, Jacqueline Pearce, Michael Ripper



When a nice young couple moves to an isolated village (the same village set from PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES -- man, that town has had a rotten spell of luck) they find the townfolk surly and unwelcoming, partially because thats just how ignorant villagers roll, but also partially because lately there’s been some sort of mysterious “black plague” killing people. And not to stereotype but one might be inclined to suspect the shady aristocratic local doctor (Noel Willman, bit parts in DR. ZHIVAGO and THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH) has something to do with it.


This one is a bit on the dry and chatty side for Hammer, but it also pulls dry and chatty off quite a bit better than most of its ilk, so who can complain? Despite the lack of any of Hammer’s regular roster of stars, this one has a disarmingly charming cast, an unusual advantage over a lot of other Hammer productions and a real boon to keeping the movie highly watchable despite the somewhat slow pace. The husband here (Ray Barrett, THE AMOROUS MILKMAN*) is supposed to be ex-military and Barrett successfully gives him a manly, kinda square presence, markedly different from the usual Hammer heroes who tend to be octogenarian academics or bland pretty boys. His wife (Jennifer Daniel, KISS OF THE VAMPIRE) continues in the tradition of Diane Clare in PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES by turning a completely stereotypical victim role into something that seems feisty and alive in a way it probably has no business being. Plus, you gotta like the helpful local bartender (Michael Ripper, basically every Hammer film 1958-1970**) who turns out to really go above and beyond what you could reasonably expect a bartender to do in this situation. Seriously, this guy just keeps turning up and being helpful for absolutely no reason other than he’s a nice guy, kinda the opposite of the vindictive bartender from ABOVE THE LAW who ends up joining forces with the villains after Seagal smashes up his place. I know they don’t tip in Europe, but seriously guys, this is probably a good time to throw in the extra 15%.

Hey you kids, his eyes are up here.

The cast is good and director Gilling (PLAGUE OF THE ZOMBIES, THE MUMMY’S SHROUD) conjures a nicely opulent and oppressive gothic atmosphere out of the same sets he used on PLAGUE the same year. Sharp direction keeps an undercurrent of tension present throughout the many long conversations in peoples' drawing rooms while you wait for that final reveal. When it comes, it’s worth it, because the reveal of what is actually going on is admirably weird and surprising. As we discussed in WEREWOLF OF LONDON and THE WOLF MAN way back in the day, Hammer is introducing a genuinely new cinematic monster here, with its own unique mythos and iconography. Creating a new horror staple is both kind of exciting because of the limitless possibilities and kind of worrisome because you don't have untold decades of folk storytellers to hone something until it really feels mythic and straight from the subconscious. It's risky, but after the 900th Frankenstein movie I'm pretty open to trying. Unless I’m forgetting something, this attempt is actually unique for Hammer --who typically relied on old staples (though sometimes rather radically re-invented) like Frankenstein, Dracula, werewolf, mummy, leprechaun, Jason, Ghoulies, Tyler Perry, etc -- the one and only genuinely new Hammer creation. The story behind the titular Reptile isn’t the strongest mythos in their catalogue, but it’s still satisfying, complete, and markedly different from anything else in their filmography (although admittedly a little un-PC in its attitudes about the Malay people of Southeast Asia, not to spoil anything). Plus, I defy you not to fall in love with the reptile design with its crazy eyes and skin-shedding goodness. It’s not the most convincing makeup work on the planet (not that Hammer was exactly renowned for their convincing makeup) but gotta give em credit for creating a striking design and letting you get a good look at it.

Spoiler. Sorry, but I thought you should see this. It's on the poster for crissakes.

All of this is more than enough to make for an enjoyable, well-crafted Hammer vehicle, if not quite enough to make you forget that its also a bit on the slow side. Writer Anthony Hinds (also arguably the definitive Hammer producer) manages a more complete-feeling screenplay than his early failures in EVIL OF FRANKENSTEIN etc, though he also doesn’t quite reach the same heights of imagination/madness that his subsequent FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN would showcase. Gilling (who had directed at least one and usually two movies every year since 1948)  would only make two more films in his career. THE MUMMY’S SHROUD (the third of Hammer’s Mummy series) followed this one the next year, and then presumably he retired to Spain for some much earned respite from monster makeup until someone managed to eventually coax him into one more Horror cheapie in 1975. The reason I mention this is that this last film, La cruz del diablo, is sometimes described as the unofficial fifth sequel in Amando de Ossorio’s BLIND DEAD series. Since I have been able to psychologically deal with one Blind Dead movie per year for the last three years (look for my GHOST GALLEON review sometime this century, I’m reviewing as fast as I can!) I think we can safely schedule that one for CHAINSAWNUKAH 2016: MARATHON MAN. So mark that on your calendar. Meantime, take a look at this one if it sounds good, it’s a competent and unassuming Hammer entry which rewards your patience with a cool monster at the end. I guarantee you it’s better than La cruz del diablo, so let’s enjoy it while we can.


*That oughtta win the prestigious SNAKES ON A PLANE award for most zen title, 1966 edition.

**In fact, though he doesn’t always have major roles, Ripper was apparently in more Hammer films than any other single actor.



CHAINSAWNUKAH 2014 CHECKLIST!

The Hunt For Dread October
  • LITERARY ADAPTATION: No, original story, even an original monster!
  • SEQUEL: None, unfortunately. Should have given it a shot. The prequel possibilities opened by the final reveal alone ought to be tempting enough for someone to try.
  • REMAKE: Nope
  • FOREIGNER: English, from Hammer
  • FOUND-FOOTAGE CLUSTERFUCK: No
  • SLUMMING A-LISTER: None
  • BELOVED HORROR ICON: None, unless you want to count Michael Ripper
  • BOOBIES: No
  • SEXUAL ASSAULT: None
  • DISMEMBERMENT PLAN: No
  • HAUNTED HOUSE: None
  • MONSTER: REPTILE!!
  • THE UNDEAD: None
  • POSSESSION: No
  • SLASHER/GIALLO: No
  • PSYCHO KILLERS (Non-slasher variety): Nah
  • EVIL CULT: (SPOILERS!) yes. Well, they seem pretty evil anyway, although we never get their side of the story.
  • (UNCANNY) VALLEY OF THE DOLLS: None
  • TRANSMOGRIFICATION: Yes, were-lizard
  • OBSCURITY LEVEL: Pretty high, not one of Hammer's better known ones
  • MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't fucking fuck with the goddam Snake People of Borneo, they will fucking fuck your shit up.
  • TITLE ACCURACY: There is a reptile, and it is singular. 100%
  • ALEX MADE IT THROUGH AWAKE: N/A