Showing posts with label LEISURE SUITS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LEISURE SUITS. Show all posts

Friday, October 31, 2014

Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed


Frankenstein must be Destroyed (1969)
Dir. Terence Fisher
Written by Bert Batt
Starring Peter Cushing, Simon Ward, Veronica Carlson, Freddie Jones, Thorley Walters




FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED begins with arguably the best introduction in the long-running Hammer series (of which this is the fifth installment). A wealthy looking doctor is walking the shadowy, almost expressionistic city streets to his office door. Unbeknownst to him, though, there’s a figure waiting for him the the shadows, brandishing a cruel-looking scythe and a worrisome hatbox. Before long, the incoming doctor’s blood is splashing on his office signboard (in one of Hammer’s more poetic images of gore) and his head is accompanying the mysterious figure back home in a handsome hatbox. But the night is not over yet -- while all this is happening, a scruffy burglar has broken into a dreary basement and discovered a laboratory setup which by this point looks troublingly familiar to fans of the series. The dead body in a glass box, the inexplicable chemistry set, the vaguely sourced green lighting -- we know what this means all too well. So it’s a huge surprise when the owner of the lab violently accosts the burglar (who just barely escapes with his life) and reveals himself to be a bald, horribly scarred monster.


It is our boy Victor Frankenstein, of course, hiding under a mask (and once again played by the indispensable Peter Cushing). But man, what an opening -- it gets right down to the business of being violent and mysterious while at the same time boldly stating its intention to shake the series out of its potential complacency by never doing quite what you expect.

What's a good lab without a little mood lighting?

1969 was an interesting year for Hammer; they’d been unexpectedly reinvented as a horror factory with 1957’s THE CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN more than a decade earlier, and had dominated the increasingly youth-oriented horror movie market since that time, essentially reinventing it in Hammer’s own image. They were still at the peak of their powers and their resources here, but the times were definitely changing -- the stately, implied sexuality and violence that made their name synonymous with boundary-pushing in the late 50’s was now starting to look quaint in the wake of the increasingly explicit American cinema, and meanwhile mainland European cinema (particularly Italian, of course) was challenging Hammer in terms of sharp gothic style as well, while simultaneously pushing the limits of shock cinema far beyond anything the English censors would allow. Eventually, this tension would push Hammer to make pandering, embarrassing messes like DRACULA: AD 1972 and THE LEGEND OF THE SEVEN GOLDEN VAMPIRES. But here, in 1969, it seems to have pushed director Terence Fisher and our dear Baron Frankenstein to up their game, to go darker and deeper into the Baron’s twisted psyche than ever before, resulting in what is likely the darkest (and in some ways the best) film in the entire franchise.


After the gripping, lightning-paced opening, things slow down a little as the film sets up. Frankenstein, forced to flee his old lab after his encounter with the burglar, has to move on to new digs, and eventually ends up at a boarding house run by Anna (Veronica Carlson, from the one non-Cushing Hammer Frankenstein sequel THE HORROR OF FRANKENSTEIN) and her physician fiance Karl (Simon Ward, “Angel Caine” in HOLOCAUST 2000*). Frankenstein quickly discovers that Karl has been stealing drugs and supplies to afford medical care for Anna’s sickly mother, and uses this knowledge to blackmail and browbeat the unfortunate young couple into putting him up and aiding him in his work. (He doesn’t mention it, but this is his second assistant named Karl, after his run of three “Hans”es in the last three movies).

Measure twice. Cut once.

Frankenstein opens the movie with a cold-blooded murder, his first since the original CURSE, but for awhile he seems like he might still be bordering on the lovably cantankerous old bastard we got in the last film, FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN. There’s a great scene where he verbally eviscerates a few of his fellow boarders (who don’t realize who they’re now rooming with) for judgmentally poo-pooing the work of one Dr. Frankenstein. He’s super mean, but he’s also undeniably funny in his cutting kind of way, and he’s dressed in a maroon leisure jacket like Hugh Hefner so you can’t help but kind of chuckle at the bastard. He makes very convincing speeches about how his work could help mankind, and how really it’s the fault of the meddling peasants who don’t understand his work that has forced him into criminality. Besides, even if he’s a murderer, he has a good cause here: a former colleague with special knowledge that Frankenstein requires --one Dr. Brandt-- has gone mad and been committed to an asylum. Frankenstein knows he can restore his sanity with a simple surgery, but the uptight assholes in charge of the asylum won’t let him get anywhere near their patient. So for awhile it turns into something of a heist movie, with Frankenstein and the kids desperate to break a man out of a mental hospital to cure him and restore his mind. That’s a cause we can all get behind, and there is admittedly sort of a giddy pleasure to be tagging along with someone as iron-willed and frighteningly capable as the Baron is. We get swept up in his boldness and ambitious imagination, and can kind of overlook his casually murderous side.


But things get worse quickly; after conscripting Karl as his assistant, he pushes the youngster into his first murder in frighteningly short order. The traumatized youth is a subject of obvious amusement for the Baron, who becomes increasingly sadistic in tormenting the young couple trapped in his iron grip. He’s exciting to be around, but after awhile you can’t help but notice how gleefully he crosses moral lines simply for his own convenience or amusement. I mean, he’s right, i agree with him in a way: these discoveries really could fundamentally change mankind for the better, and the people really are a bunch of medieval ninnies for forcing this life-saving knowledge to go underground and scrounge for resources that can only be acquired illegally. Even Karl is sort of intrigued and excited by the work he’s being forced to do. He knows that only Frankenstein could ever push him so much further than anyone else has ever gone in the field of medicine. But as time goes on, both he and the audience inevitably grow increasingly disillusioned about the doctor. Despite his pretty speeches, despite the good his work could do, HE has finally crossed the line and definitively become an egomaniacal, inhuman monster, hiding behind the principle of scientific progress as an excuse to justify his petty cruelties and self-serving whims. His belief that the work is important has slowly transmuted into a belief that therefore he is fundamentally important, and that other people are valuable only to the degree that they serve his interests. He has such amazing ability to improve human life, and he’s able to articulate worthy goals which would improve the world, but at the same time he clearly has utter contempt for all human life. So why is he even doing this? At this point, it’s purely a game to him. He wants to take humanity apart and rebuild it bit by bit, simply because it amuses him, like a bored schoolboy tormenting insects.

He's got a good head on his shoulder.

About halfway through, a tipping point occurs: Frankenstein sends Karl out on an errand, and while he’s gone...well, there’s no other way to say it… he violently rapes Anna. This scene seems to come out of the blue to some extent; while he’s crossed many, many lines over the many sequels, and even been shown to kill without remorse, this is surely the most nakedly sadistic thing he’s ever done. The way he impassively toys with her before the assault begins makes your skin crawl; she’s vulnerable to him in every possible way, and he’s savoring her sense of frustrated powerlessness. There’s nothing even remotely sexual here, this is purely the act of a man who ceased to be human a long time ago, idely torturing someone because he’s bored and he can. And suddenly, it’s clear that this is who he’s been all along. If he ever helped anyone, it was only the result of his selfish desire to push boundaries for his own amusement; he’s totally incapable by this point of seeing any other value than his own immediate pleasures, if indeed he ever was to begin with.


The rape scene has long been a source of controversy for Hammer fans; in fact, it comes out of the blue because it wasn’t in the original script, having been forced on the production (despite the strenuous protests of both director Fisher and Cushing) by its American producers who felt the film lacked the sex appeal needed to sell it to young people.** In my opinion seeing skeletal, coldly intellectual 50-somethings violently attacking screaming, weeping young women is not exactly what the youth culture had in mind when they invented the concept of sex appeal, but there you go, apparently Italy wasn’t the only country with producers who believe in the enduring sex appeal of leering rape scenes. It’s in there for purely prurient commercial reasons (though it’s acted and shot so resolutely unsexily you’d never know it) but I actually think it ends up being essential to the plot. Without that scene, Frankenstein could still hide behind his correct claim that his research is more important than the people’s delicate sensibilities and restrictive religious law. With it, he’s revealed as what he’s probably alway been: a monster that truly must be destroyed. Since it was inserted late in the production, the assault is never referenced again, which actually makes it even worse: watching the Baron casually demanding Anna make him coffee two scenes later is even more cold-blooded. He’s moved on to something else now, and has all but forgotten this minor incident from earlier. For a crass commercial concession, the whole episode in context makes perfect sense for the character: he’s simply such an egomaniacal monster that he only sees people as objects to suit his particular whim. He doesn’t even really realize he’s become evil, he’s just utterly detached from anything remotely resembling empathy or humanity.

Lest you worry that this scene was too traumatizing for poor Veronica Carlson, here's a glossy photo of it she autographed "to dear Stephen." Actually, you almost gotta feel worse for poor old unfailingly gentlemanly Peter Cushing, who felt so bad about the scene that he reportedly profusely apologized to his co-star. 

This scene refocuses the film and ultimately signals a change in direction. Things get darker and bleaker; the police (led by the blustery Thorley Walters from FRANKENSTEIN CREATED WOMAN) are closing in, and it’s up to Anna to try and protect the Baron from discovery for fear of dooming her fiance to execution along with her tormenter. How fucked up is that? A sequence where a broken water pipe dislodges a buried victim and requires her to crawl through the corpse-strewn mud to hide it recalls the frantic grossout finale of DRAG ME TO HELL and was very likely an inspiration, but there’s also something perverse and Hitchcockian about it. Frankenstein must be stopped, and Anna knows that better than anyone, but she’s forced to struggle through a gauntlet of tense and degrading close calls to protect him. Meanwhile even as things spiral out of control, Frankenstein succeeds in curing his colleague’s madness, but in the process is forced to transfer the cured brain into a new body (procured from an unfortunate bureaucrat who had earlier provoked the Baron’s displeasure). The new Dr. Brandt (now played by English character actor Freddie Jones --father of Toby Jones, it turns out-- in a splendid and surprisingly moving performance) awakens in a new body and immediately knows who was responsible and what has been done.


Brandt is the first of Frankenstein’s experiments to emerge in a new body with total physical and mental facilities intact, but he’s now faced with the idea of trying to resume his life, go back to his wife, in the body of a murdered acquaintance. The great irony is that Brandt had been a colleague --even a peer-- of Frankenstein; the Baron considers him to be perhaps the only other person who understands what he’s doing and operates on the same level. But Brandt is merely a boundary-pushing scientist, he hasn’t lost all ties to humanity the way Frankenstein has, and now he sees all too clearly the horrifying joke that fate has played on him. Brandt shows up late in the film, but he turns out to make a much better foil for Frankenstein than the poor kids; this is a rare man who might be almost Frankenstein’s equal, and certainly does understand and empathize with the work he’s doing… but to whom it is now painfully obvious that FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED. The Baron doesn’t understand his former colleague’s anger, simply has no concept of why he might feel irrecoverably violated by being uprooted from his own body, and Brandt, for his part, seems resigned that the doctor is well beyond understanding such things and simply needs to be stopped. The final confrontation between Brandt and the Baron in a burning house is a doozy, inarguably the strongest and most wrenching finale the series has to offer, and ending in a truly bleak climax which is, by that point, richly deserved.

The "monster" is mad as hell and is not going to take this anymore.

It’s not a perfect film, of course; any movie that has a rape scene added at the last minute by the producers was probably beset by commercial concession and too many studio cooks from the start. I have no direct proof that this is the case here, but the narrative is all over the place, sometimes dramatically changing direction or introducing new conflicts out of the blue. That always suggests something that was likely being rewritten on the fly to please different parties, instead of evolving naturally from the story. Karl and Anna get incredibly shortchanged by the end of the film, despite all they’ve suffered through, and some unwieldy tonal shifts (including some fairly broad comic scenes with Thorley Walters) make for a somewhat confusing experience. But somehow the good here overwhelms all that. There’s a genuine tension at work which some of the other films in the series lack, a sense that this time, the title character has crossed irredeemably over the line and that there must be serious consequences. The pathos Jones brings to his role as the “monster” somehow manages to make his late introduction still work to bring the film to a satisfying close.

Cushing, composed as he is primarily of balsa wood and tissue paper, is particularly vulnerable.


And then there’s Cushing himself. Man, is this guy an amazing actor. Even though the series doesn’t have a lot of continuity to it, Cushing’s Frankenstein has steadily and subtly evolved, and here he finally delivers, in his penultimate performance of the character, a vision of a man who has well and truly left behind whatever fleeting bit of his humanity remained. I’ve griped before (for example, in REVENGE OF FRANKENSTEIN) that this series sometimes seems to have an irritating anti-science bent, as though the problem is that the Baron is “meddling in God’s domain” or trying to learn things that “man was not meant to know” or some such hooey. But this performance finally puts the lie to that; it’s not his science that’s the problem, it’s his merciless, suffocating contempt for human feeling. It’s a fitting bookend to CURSE OF FRANKENSTEIN --which also presents the character as surprisingly vicious-- but a decade later Cushing brings a kind of time-worn and frayed madness to similar material. Even all these years later, Frankenstein still simply doesn’t understand that he’s the bad guy. His inability (or unwillingness) to even grasp the harm that he’s doing makes him all the more alien and terrifying than it would be if he was nakedly villainous. Even at the end, as everyone turns against him, the look on his face says he can hardly believe the terrible luck he’s having. What was once perhaps attributable to the arrogance of youth and wealth finally looks simply pathetic and desperate, the hollow-eyed confusion of a man who knows an incredible amount, but understands very little. A mad scientist indeed.


On the plus, side, he finally learned how to pronounce his own name correctly. Check it out, he says “Frahnk-ehn-schtein,” very German. Maybe the old guy’s capable of a little self-improvement afterall.


*Seriously.

**Way to go, America.



HAMMER'S FRANKENSTEIN SERIES:

5: FRANKENSTEIN MUST BE DESTROYED

CHAINSAWNUKAH 2014 CHECKLIST!

The Hunt For Dread October


  • LITERARY ADAPTATION: Still vaguely linked to Mary Shelley's Frankenstein: Or, the Modern Prometheus, but the film does not credit her.
  • SEQUEL: Fifth sequel in Hammer's series
  • REMAKE: None
  • FOREIGNER: British, Hammer studios
  • FOUND-FOOTAGE CLUSTERFUCK: None
  • SLUMMING A-LISTER: None
  • BELOVED HORROR ICON: Peter Cushing. I guess he doesn't quite count, but Freddie Jones has also been in about a million things.
  • BOOBIES: None, nudity was still not gonna fly in 1968 England, although rape would.
  • SEXUAL ASSAULT: Yes, a particularly unpleasant one.
  • DISMEMBERMENT PLAN: Head removed, brain removed
  • HAUNTED HOUSE: None
  • MONSTER: The "monster" this time is just a normal guy with a scar.
  • THE UNDEAD: Nah, no one comes back from the dead, just body-swapping.
  • POSSESSION: None
  • SLASHER/GIALLO: No
  • PSYCHO KILLERS (Non-slasher variety): Actually Frankenstein might count here.
  • EVIL CULT: None
  • (UNCANNY) VALLEY OF THE DOLLS: Still no dolls.
  • TRANSMOGRIFICATION: Body swapped, leading to much angst
  • OBSCURITY LEVEL: Mid, well-known franchise
  • MORAL OF THE STORY: If you're going to meddle in the realm of God, at least don't be such a fucking dick about it.
  • TITLE ACCURACY: 100% in agreement with it.
  • ALEX MADE IT THROUGH AWAKE: N/A
Very tempted to go five thumbs here, I think the story's a little too loose for me to quite do it. But think A-, B+




Monday, October 3, 2011

X-Men: First Class


X-Men: First Class (2011)
Dir. Matthew Vaughn
Starring Everyone.

Hey, remember back when I said that KICK-ASS was a depressing and vapid attempt to disguise violent machismo as depth? And remember I said, in passing, that despite its distasteful subject matter it was admittedly kinetic and funny, and that yeah, probably LAYER CAKE director Matthew Vaughn had a much better action movie in him somewhere?

Well, it turns out that he did, and in fact not only was it in him, it has already in the world. I had forgotten that after being booted from X-MEN 3 (which ultimately went to the workaday Brett Ratner and became universally despised among nerds despite the fact that its a reasonably solid if somewhat uneven entry into the franchise) Vaughn finally got his chance to return to the world of the X-Men with the staggeringly unnecessary prequel X-MEN: FIRST CLASS which chronicles the period of time when Charles “Professor X” Xavier (formerly Patrick Stewart as an old guy, now James McAvoy) first got together with his fellow mutants and especially future frenemy Eric “Magneto” Lensherr (formerly Ian McKellen and formerly inexplicably spelled “Lehnsherr” in all the comics and in every previous movie, what's up with that?) and started that X-Men school that we've all heard so much about.

FIRST CLASS in an unnecessary movie in nearly every aspect. It takes a few marginally popular supporting characters in the X-Men universe, recasts them as their younger selves, and tells the story of what happened to them when they first met, most of the emotional beats of which were already covered extensively in the first 3 films (and possibly to some extent the first WOLVERINE prequel, which I haven't seen). So, you pretty much know everything substantial that will happen in this story, as well as the fact that all the characters you're familiar with will survive and move on to the sequels. Hell, you even know who's going to get injured and who's going to turn evil and what their philosophies will be. And you even know why since they explicitly discuss it in at least two other films. It doesn't matter much to me if the turning point for Magneto was a submarine battle with Kevin Bacon or a lightsaber fight on a lava planet, so what possible reason could there be to go see a movie which merely fills in the details for events which are already fairly concretely outlined for us?

To answer this question, I'd like you to go out and watch RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. Go on, I'll wait.

(elevator music)

There, see? That's a movie with even less reason to exist, a pre-boot to a terrible remake of a series which was already pretty well done to death when the first five (count em!) films came out back in 1856 or whatever. It's exactly the sort of film concept which is made into a big summer film when some Hollywood accountant gets a survey back which identifies name recognition of some brand among the 18-30 male demographic as being over 70%. Someone crunches the numbers and figures if they advertise enough, they should be able to scratch together a 70 million opening weekend and then easily return on the investment through merchandising. Advertising partnerships will do the rest and grow the brand sufficiently to restart the franchise. Oh yeah, and someone will probably have to write a script or something and make a movie. It doesn't really matter what.

There's no reason for anyone to seriously try and make something good when the whole thrust of the project seems to regard the film itself as an irritating but necessary minor component. But for whatever reason, probably boredom or crystal meth, someone decided what the heck, since we're making it anyway why not actually make it fun?

And, to everyone's confusion and general bafflement, they did. Apparently nobody was paying enough attention to get in there and stop them, so they just made something silly and fun and cinematic and entertaining.

At the time, I attributed it to the fact that the weird black star thing from THE FIFTH ELEMENT was focusing on ruining our government and had briefly been diverted from ruining our action cinema, but now I think old Matthew Vaughn maybe outta get a little credit for starting this trend of unnecessarily fun needless franchise movies, because FIRST CLASS has the same philosophy of trying to actually entertain you despite the fact that there's no particular reason for it to want to.

Even though it's produced by Brian Singer (who directed the first two but was blacklisted from the series for awhile for daring to make a SUPERMAN movie which was better than we all deserved and hence widely disdained), the feel is pretty different than any of the series so far. It's less serious, more goofy, more awkward, more colorful and energetic take on the material, which makes sense because it takes place back when everyone involved was a goofy, awkward teenager or young adult. Believe it or not, this actually works in the film's favor by adding a whiff of youthful enthusiasm into the proceedings.

There are a number of things this film has going for it, which make it unexpectedly enjoyable. First among them is its early-60s milieu. Unlike the slick, grim, modern X-Men trilogy, this one has a lot more fun with colorful sets, bright locations, and just a hint of camp courtesy of its sixties-era conventions. The film wisely (and with unexpected discipline) avoids making a bunch of corny Austin Powers jokes about the era, but there's something very fun about watching Kevin Bacon lounge in the belly of a Submarine decked out in what could be a set and wardrobe straight out of a Roger Moore Bond film. The film is set in the 60s out of necessity, but Vaughn makes it work beautifully for the tone of the film. The slightly silly, colorful, but strait-faced production meshes nicely with the inherent silliness of the superhero stuff's internal reality. Its a nice reminder that people take the X-MEN films seriously not because they tried to make everything gritty and realistic, but simply because the films treat the characters and situations seriously, as though they matter and are worth caring about. What a fuckin' concept.

Oh Kevin, draw me like one of your mutant girls.

It also boasts an inexplicably awesome cast. Kevin Bacon probably chooses these ensemble films these days just to make the Six Degrees game a little easier, but pretty much everyone in this thing is better than we deserve so it works out. Bacon himself is masterfully hateable as an ex-Nazi megalomaniac charming enough to lament that he looks like a jackass wearing a big purple helmet. But you've also got WINTER'S BONE alum Jennifer Lawrence as a young Mystique. Lots of people thought she doesn't add much weight to the character, but I think she does a fantastic job of portraying a Mystique who's warmer, younger, more naïve, and probably a bit shallow. It makes a nice contrast to older Mystique's ultra-confident duplicitous calculations, so while Lawrence's performance is less show-offy than you might think from an Oscar-nominee, it works nicely in the story and makes her feel vulnerable to exactly the kind of charismatic villainy we'll eventually see. We've also got Oliver Platt, Ray Wise, James Remar (wait, really? I don't think I ever noticed him), Jason Flemyng (somehow making an impression despite being a completely unrecognizable and virtually silent minor character), Rose Byrne, January Jones (don't get the love for her, but here she is), ABOUT A BOY's Nicholas Hoult, perennial bearded Russian Rade Sherbedgia, and fucking Michael Ironside (mysteriously credited a “M. Ironside”).

Also James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender.

Put Vincent D'onofrio and Kurtwood Smith in there somewhere and you'd pretty much have every awesome minor actor still working in pictures today. Most of them play thankless minor roles, but having great actors play minor roles is a time-honored and effective way to goose up a film's overall greatness. See WAYNE'S WORLD 2 for more on this philosophy.

So Bacon is great, of course, but it's Michael Fassbender who really brings this one to the next level. People have been hyping him for awhile but this is the first thing I've seen him in where he's really blown me away and made me go, “OK, I get it.” His young Magneto is a charisma monster, and I don't know if he just arrived on set first and picked all the good lines and scenes for himself or what, but somehow he ended up with them. He sells the character's inner torment with a sincerity which, like the movie itself, was certainly not necessary or expected but gives the film surprising emotional weight even when the script doesn't back him up.

Oddly, McAvoy (as a young Charles Xavier) is the only one who seems to be coasting here. The script doesn't really do him any favors by making him a bland, motivation-free plot device, but unlike Fassbender he doesn't fill in where the script leaves off. The only character traits I could really ascribe to him were “preachy” and “British.” This presents somewhat of a problem since the film's final conflict is between Xavier and Magneto, and you're supposed to end up thinking Magneto has gone too far. But if you or any reasonable person had to pick a friend to side with, you'd choose Magneto since he's so much cooler and more relateable (in fact, the villainous details seem kind of shoehorned in and don't really seem to fit with his character). Sure, we know Charles can hold his liquor and looks like he'd be fun at parties, but Fassbender looks like he's well on his way to being that Most Interesting Man in the World who drinks moderately priced mid-range Mexican beer (man, that is interesting!).

Admit it, you'd drink whatever beer he told you to.

So it's a bit unbalanced, but McAvoy does fine, the casting is excellent, and the actors craft fun (if not always exactly deep) characters across the board.

Which brings us to the final and most surprising thing the film has going for it: pleasures other than action! For a superhero film, there's virtually no action or fighting at all throughout most of the run time. Magneto has one awesome scene of introduction which is so badass I won't spoil it for you, but otherwise most of the film is about the characters meeting and setting things up, hardly an action sequence or major setpiece to be found. If there is a genius to the thing, though, it's that it knows it doesn't have to be blowing shit up all the time to entertain you. It has such a great cast and such a light, fun touch that its most pleasurable experiences are often its least expensive. Watching the montage of Charles and Magneto recruiting other mutants and experiencing the rush of excitement all parties feel as they reveal to each other that they're part of the same club is just a pure pleasure in a way movies used to be before “fun” was synonymous with “sensory overload.” Interesting, likeable characters having fun and bouncing off each other, nary an explosion in sight. I mean, I'd trade the whole ludicrous battleship desert island nuclear showdown for a couple more scenes of the newly recruited X-Men hanging out and playing with their powers. There's a genuine earnest joy there, something which has been missing from superhero movies so long I almost hadn't even realized how much I missed it. It pervades the whole film and buoys it even when the script sags a bit.

Ok so the script, written by Vaughn and his long-time writing partner Jane Goldman is pretty weak. I can't deny that. It has a few clever ideas but some (the mutant “cure”) we've seen before and others (good guy turns evil) are sort of half-formed and don't really add up in any satisfying way. Like KICK-ASS, the script keeps telling you that it's saying something deep but then never really says it. If the script were even a little better, I might be able to join these nerds who are calling this one a classic. Sorry, can't follow you there, kids. But a film this packed with good stuff can sustain itself on goodwill alone. Even when the film can't quite find the words to say it, there's a certain truth that the actors bring to their roles, and an even greater sense of dorky fun.

Look, it has Kevin Bacon lounging in a burgundy velour suit in the belly of a submarine decked out with shag carpeting, a blond in a two-piece white corset, and a guy who people seem too polite to point out looks exactly like the devil*. If that ain't enough to convince you to see the thing, I dunno, man, maybe watch THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS or something.



*So, apparently this guy actually is literally the devil (according to his wikipedia page, anyway). His bio sounds like it would make a good Ken Russel film, though, and I think I speak for all mankind when I say I'd like to see a 160 million dollar spin-off about Jason Flemyng in devil makeup going around, “mating with women who had strange appearances.”

 Seeking: Ladies of strange appearance, ages 18+ who are up for no-strings attached kinda thing.