Dir. Jake West
Starring Doug Bradley, Douglas Roberts, Pumpkinhead, Tess Panzer, and Lance Henriksen
OK, let’s get the bad out of the way first. This is the second sequel to a film which probably didn’t need a first sequel to begin with. And it managed to find an even less classy venue for premier than the first sequel’s early 90’s DTV dumping, arriving without fanfare on the SciFi channel a full 18 years after the original. So it’s not even direct to DVD, it’s direct-to-SciFi-Channel. And it was filmed in Romania, that Lost World of murky cheapo DTV crapola where Uwe Boll roams free and unfettered by logic or taste. AND, it was filmed back-to-back with another sequel (PUMPKINHEAD 4: BLOOD FEUD) to save money. AND it has a cameo from Lance Henriksen post-2000, when due to Bush’s election/ an evil gypsy curse Henriksen was legally prevented in appearing in any film which was A) Halfway watchable and B) going to include a role for him which lasted more than 5 minutes.
So it’s got a lot going against it. Short of starring Lou Diamond Phillips or being produced by Paul W. S. Anderson, there’s not much more it could really do to clearly advertise that it’s going to be terrible. And yes, it is terrible. But actually it’s not nearly as terrible as it ought to be, given that pedigree. If you can get past the obvious, superficial ways in which it is a manifestly horrible movie, there’s actually some good stuff in there. Or at least, more good stuff than seems realistically likely for any movie titled PUMPKINHEAD 3 to have.
To start with, it ignores the events of Jeff Burr’s unfortunate PUMPKINHEAD 2: BLOOD WINGS. It can do this without fucking up the ever-important Pumpkinhead franchise continuity because, as you recall, the Pumpkinhead in PUMPKINHEAD 2 is actually not our beloved original Pumpkinhead, but actually a half-human transmogrifying Son-of-Pumpkinhead who just happens to look exactly like original Pumpkinhead. This movie, on the other hand, is a direct follow-up to the original PUMPKINHEAD, and includes both characters from the original and flashbacks to some key scenes. And it also resumes both the tone and the key conflict from the original, which as you’ll recall has Pumpkinhead summoned to do vengeance by furious hill people who eventually feel remorse and try to stop what they’ve set in motion.
No, you go on with your bad self. |
At first, though, you don’t see the connection. Because the film opens (somewhat awkwardly, it must be said) with a random fellah who happens to be walking through the deep backwoods late at night stumbling across a big scruffy yokel disposing of a body in a mud pit. Said yokel happens to be Bunt Wallace -- that’s right, the kid from the original PUMPKINHEAD who guided Henriksen’s Ed Harley character to his doom when his father refuses to sign off on this obviously bad idea. Bunt’s all grown up now --maybe a little worse for wear-- and his reward for his help all those years ago is that Ed Harley is still following him around, like a sexy Jacob Marley, advising him to give up his nefarious body-dumping ways. Bunt is a little bit slow, but he obviously still feels deeply guilty about leading a man to damnation in defiance of his father’s obviously better judgement. And Ed isn’t really helping matters by following him around, wearing all black, and somewhat ghoulishly pointing out to him how doomed he is.
Now, stop and think -- this is actually a pretty cool twist on a sequel. It ties seamlessly into the original, and it takes an interesting but small aspect of the original and expands on it. It has some neat implications regarding guilt, and turns our original victim into a somewhat threatening figure. None of this is explored with much depth, but even on the superficial level it makes a somewhat interesting dynamic. There’s a million more interesting places they could have gone with the concept than the way they do go, but what the heck, at least it’s better than that Son-of-Pumpkinhead crap from part 2.
Henriksen, returning to the role of Ed Harley, is fucking awesome just like you would expect. He’s offering good advice to Bunt, but there’s a kind of gleeful dark humor to his role, as if he’s honor-bound to try and set things right, but also taking a certain malevolent delight in fucking with this kid who was so instrumental in his own destruction.
He
would have been a great villain, but remember, it’s after the year 2000
so Henriksen can only appear in a few short scenes. Instead, they’ve
got another Iconic Horror Actor to antagonize those wacky hill people in
the form of Doug “Pinhead” Bradley. I know, its weird that both
PUMPKINHEAD sequels star various villains from HELLRAISER, not sure
what’s up with that, but I like it. If they do another Pumpkinhead film
(which obviously, they should) it should seriously star Sean Chapman.
Besides, “Pinhead” and “Pumpkinhead” also sound weirdly similar, not to
mention that “Pinhead and Pumpkinhead” would be an awesome name for a
Beavis and Butt-Head sequel series*. Obviously, the lord works in
mysterious ways.
Which
is appropriate, because so does Doug Bradley’s “Doc Fraser” character, a
small-town doctor who moonlights as an organ-harvesting ghoul. Let me
tell you his plan, so you can see if this makes some kind of sense that
somehow escaped me. Locals bring their deceased loved ones to the Bunt’s
family crematorium for a good burnin’ and buryin’. They get a urn
filled with ashes and walk off happy, not realizing that, in reality,
Doc Fraser is stealing the corpses, removing the organs, selling them on
the black market, and then having Bunt drag the mutilated carcasses out
into the woods to dump them. I get the organ-thieving thing, in fact it
sounds like a good idea (although I question how fresh those organs are
once their relatives have schlepped the corpse up into the mountains
for cremation). But there literally is an actual crematorium five feet
from their evil organ-harvesting room. Why not just cremate the bodies
afterwards instead of leaving them in the woods for people to find and
be horrified by? It’s actually MORE work to dispose of them that way.
And it causes issues when the local folks catch wind of the plan and
find literally dozens of bodies stashed away in the woods. That in turn
causes more issues when local unstable blondie Molly Sue flips out and summons Pumpkinhead for some good ol’ fashioned revengin’.
It's OK kids. Pumpkinhead is here for you. |
Why
cut right to Pumpkinhead and not call the local cops? Well, despite the
fact that all the bodies that have been sent to the Wallace crematorium
in the last few years have turned up noticeably uncremated in the woods
with the organs removed, the cops seem to not have any idea who could
be responsible. Doc Fraser, examining the bodies, opines “I’m not even
sure if what was done to these folks was a crime!” and the sheriff seems
to take his word for it. Honestly, it seems like Pumpkinhead could be
put to better use teaching these morons how to put two and two together,
but Molly Sue isn’t the brightest bulb herself and so she just enlists
some friends (relatives? what were they trying to do, get a bulk
discount?) to go in on this Pumpkinhead vengeance deal with her and
turns the thing loose on the whole town.
So
finally we have a Pumpkinhead, and what do you know, it’s actually nice
to see that pruney fucker again. He looks a little different than last
time, clearly trying to put his best foot forward for the new century.
For one thing, he’s sometimes a laughably ridiculous CG creation which
looks about Sega Saturn quality. For another, his puppety spindles have
been replaced by a dude in a big rubber suit which is redesigned in some
subtle ways. I can’t lie, the CG would look embarrassing on an episode
of “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.” But for some reason I kind of dig
on the new design for the suit. He’s still kind of conceptually
uninspired, but his new more blunted face looks vaguely alien and is
nicely articulated by old-school animatronics. They also goose up the
fun by finally giving the dude some decent gimmicky kills -- sure, he
spends a good amount of time smacking people around with those big goofy
hands of his, but he also ups his game by impaling someone on a weather
vane, crushing a guy’s head through steel bars, stabbing someone with
his tail (which I totally forgot he had, but looking back at the
original, yup, it’s there). So, a little more hustle on the Pumpkinhead
front than usual.
Obviously,
the kids who swear revenge and summon Pumpkinhead are terrible,
terrible actors, and not even in a fun overacting way. They’re just dull
and bland. But Doug Bradley, in a rare non-Pinhead role, is actually a
lot of fun as that corpse-stealing, meth-dealing pistol-toting,
free-healthcare-providing not-so-great-at-planning lovable scamp Doc
Faser. He dresses like an 19th century preacher, for one thing, and even
though his corpse-disposal plan is open to some criticism you have to
appreciate his more practical solution to his Pumpkinhead woes. Upon
hearing the obligatory flashback from Bunt, he realizes that Pumpkinhead
only perseveres as long as those who summon him remain alive. So, he
grabs his pistol and sets out to kill everyone who sicked Pumpkinhead on
him before he himself can be killed. It’s such a practical and
proactive solution that he automatically becomes sort of a badass
anti-hero and you start pulling for him.
I'm your huckleberry. |
Plus,
Bradley turns out to be pretty darn charismatic when he’s not getting
acupuncture’d from a place beyond limits where pleasure and pain are
indivisible. His Appalachian Mountain accent is not exactly robust, but
honestly considering everyone else in this turkey he’s probably the
closest. You can bypass it by imagining a backstory where he’s actually a
British immigrant who settled in Pumpkinhead territory and has picked
up a slight twinge of local color. Which would also make sense, because
Doc Fraser is a believer in socialized medicine. Turns out that all
these organ shenanigans are actually a way to fund his free health care
service. So he steals from the dead to give to the living. Guy’s
basically a Grave-Robin Hood**. And, it turns out ol’
Pumpkinhead-summoning Molly Sue is given to “episodes” serious enough
that the police don’t even get out of their chairs when she storms into
the station screaming that there’s a dead body in her truck. Not exactly
the most responsible person to be raising vegetable-themed demons of
vengeance. So even though Fraser may be a murderous meth-dealing
preacher-dressing-like body-snatching etc etc, there’s a nice little bit
of moral ambiguity in there.
That’s
the movie, really. It’s not great like it could be, but at it has more
going for it than it should, by all accounts. Yes, it’s shot on shitty
digital video which frequently looks like a cell phone camera. But they
still manage to get some nice shots in there, and against all odds
actually use the shitty quality of the “film” to enhance the brutally
hard lighting and lend atmosphere to the inside of their squalid
locations***. Yes, they could only get Lance Henriksen for a few hours
of filming, but they use his obvious greatness to spice things up and
add unexpected weight to the narrative. Yes, the movie looks like it
cost less than a Mitt Romney haircut, but they make excellent use of
some great location shots and milk their setpieces, when they do come,
for all they’re worth. And yes, the acting can be pretty depressingly
bad, but surprisingly the script isn’t a disaster at all. Doc Fraser has
a nice little monologue about where pain comes from (the brain, he
says) which actually pays off later in another exchange. There’s even an
attempt to make some kind of metaphor out of the Ashes to Ashes thing.
It doesn’t really quite pan out, but it’s nice to see them trying a
little. And even though it doesn’t work, somehow it kind of does.
There’s something about the bare, minimalist setting and noir-worthy
hard light combined with the meth and ghosts and twisted forests and
body snatching which gives the whole thing a perverse, nightmarish
quality which is more than the sums of its individually weak parts.
The
end result is like Pumpkinhead himself: sloppy, ungainly, not as cool
as it ought to be. But gets the job done. Better than advertised, would
summon again.
Two great tastes that taste great together. |
PUMPKINHEAD CHECKLIST:
Lance Henriksen: YES
Bland And/or Irritating White Kids: SEVERAL
Satisfying Kills: NOPE
Horror Icon You Wouldn’t Expect
They Could Get For This: DOUG BRADLEY
They Could Get For This: DOUG BRADLEY
Pumpkinhead Smacks People
With His Big Stupid Hands: ALAS, YES
With His Big Stupid Hands: ALAS, YES
Attempt at Appalachian Accents: DISASTROUS
At All Watchable: SURPRISINGLY, YES
*
Or a FREDDY VS. JASON type crossover. Although frankly the mashup I
really want to see is PINHEAD VS JIGSAW. It’d be the horror version of
that scene from LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS with Steve Martin as the sadistic
dentist and Bill Murray as the masochist patient. Except more British.
And probably more de-limbing.
** Haters gonna hate.
***
Oddly, Romania stands in for Appalachia somewhat well, and their use of
real locations gives the whole thing a spartan, almost minimalist feel
of isolation and decay.
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